Monday, March 2, 2015

Rusty's Workbench

Rusty Cowichan hid his wife's tulips, vase and all, under the workbench in his garage. Then, wearing his freshly ironed golf shirt, he made his way through the house and onto the veranda where, large and in charge, he ordered the squirrels to bring him their offerings of nuts and berries.

Evelyn, his pregnant wife, didn't notice her tulips were missing until two weeks later when Freda Cadmium came to visit. Freda's nose twitched something awful as soon as her foot touched the Cowichans' driveway. She tried to ignore it for the sake of grace and politeness but Evelyn's dog, Levitt, who seemed more wolf than dog, lunged at her bearing his teeth and growling. She put up her knee, finally found her voice, and let out some shrieking.

Evelyn, meanwhile, peered out her front window with a smug smile on her face like she had just won the lottery.

All Freda could see was fur and menacing teeth. Snuffles, growls, and ear-splitting barks pierced the cool autumn air.

A stick and some rocks distracted the pooch. It was the neighbor behind the hedge who heard the commotion and decided to take action. Freda stumbled the driveway's width to fetch the stick and began waving it about and motioning to Evelyn who did nothing but offer a vacant expression through panes of glass while the neighbor continued to throw rocks and bits of moss over the hedge, whatever he could find.

Freda rushed up the front steps as soon as she got the chance, and knocked on the window. "Evelyn, I'm having problems with your dog! I need your help!" she yelled. "Say something!"

There came a curt reply. "You shouldn't have gotten out of your car, then."

"Is this how you treat all of your guests?!"

"You are welcome here, but at our household it is wrong to get out of your car."

Freda's nose twitched. It was a putrid odor and she tried to figure out where it was coming from, but she couldn't think due to all the barking. And what was worse, Levitt was coming for her again. She side-shuffled to the door and banged on it. 

Then a gun shot sounded. And a whiny yelp, quick as a staccato.

Silence.

Evelyn opened the door and gingerly stepped onto the veranda with her mouth dropped open and a hand placed gently over her swollen belly.

Freda's nose twitched. "That rotten smell!"

"What smell?"

"My nose is sensitive. It's both a blessing and a curse," she said. "The smell's coming from your garage."

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