Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Show Someone Your Dirty Laundry

... confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. - James 5:16

We don't have to call it "confessing our sins". We can call it venting or therapy or confiding in each other. It all means the same thing.

In the Lutheran church we speak a confession together that usually sounds something like this: "Forgive us for the times we've sinned in thought word and deed. Forgive us for not loving others as ourselves." I think this is suitable for the easier seasons of journeying, and confessing this at church services helps keep us humble and aware of our shortcomings.

But when we're depressed or ashamed and life seems to be falling apart, we need to get more specific when we confess. We need to find a friend to confide in. Church offers a pastor for this, but if you don't feel comfortable with him it's totally okay to find someone else.

You can put your feelers out to test whether or not someone could be your confidante. Grab some of your dirty laundry, something small like one of your stinky socks. It could be that time you told your Uncle Martin to fuck off. Every time you remember it, you feel guilty because your Mama taught you never to swear and you know you were super rude to him when all he was doing was trying to offer you daffodils.

How does the person respond to your pieces of dirty laundry? Does she wag her finger and tell you you're not allowed to do those terrible things? Or does she smile and say something like "Aw, it's okay. Do you wanna hang out on Saturday?"

If you find the person who still wants to spend time with you after you show her many pieces of your dirty laundry, it means she's someone who walks in the way of forgiveness and she's someone who truly cares. It means you can trust her and show her more of your dirty laundry. Even your poop-stained underwear.

Confessing sins is what I like to call The Ugly Beautiful. It's where healing happens. Where confidence grows. We've gotta reach for those stinky socks and lay 'em out into the light.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

dear diary - page one

Ferdinand dumped the contents of my jewelry box into the toilet. I managed to salvage some pieces but they smelled bad. I thought hairspray would help get rid of the odor so that's why I went down into the cellar. I know what you're thinking: why would I keep hairspray in the cellar? It's because Molly-Ann put it there.

She annoys me to no end. That whale. She keeps putting things where I don't want them. I have to try to tolerate her for many reasons, one being that she was my babysitter for many years and I owe her big time for that. Besides, she keeps my gemstones at her house when I go on vacation. And, trust me, I need my vacations.

Ferdinand has the same gemstones as me but he doesn't stay near them like I do. He just takes pictures of them from a distance. He went and got a different jewelry box before he was even done with mine. It's weird, you know. He won't officially separate the gold ones from the silver ones. Maybe it costs too much energy. Maybe he doesn't want to deal with a vendor. He could want to see my jewelry box again. I hope he wants that, but he probably doesn't. I don't know.

Now I'm not down in the cellar anymore. I'm on the bottom floor where the tic tacs are. Gramma thinks I should suck on two at a time, but I like only one. I intend to tell her next time I visit her.

My neighbor, the one who's a nurse, rang the doorbell this morning and jabbed me with a syringe. It was the flu shot, but she didn't even ask me first. Why did she do that?! It hurt. I'm scared she's only pretending to care about me, that she doesn't honestly want the best for me. She's nice, though, to give me seashells from her trips to the beach.

I could start my laundry now. I don't think anyone's going to get mad about that.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Checkerboard Collective

I belong to a group of writers over at the Checkerboard Collective. The site's been quiet for a while, but Issue 48 is released today and hopefully we can keep the issues coming regularly now! Topics vary from poetry to films to politics, etc. My contribution is called Bell Sinker and Hook. I hope you click the link and check it out!