Monday, January 6, 2014
Each relationship is unique, and they all have their weather. Sometimes storms come in heavy and hard as if it's raining ice daggers.
It royally sucks when I'm the one who has damaged another person because it means she's got to navigate through gusts of negativity and anger, feelings of inadequacy and so on. It sucks even more when I've slipped into an actual pattern of destructive communication with her.
As soon as I recognize I have hurt her, here's my best option. Seek reconciliation.
Three steps come to mind:
1.) Admit what I've done to hurt that person.
2.) Apologize to her.
3.) Reassure her I don't want to hurt her anymore.
It seems to me that once I enter into that first step, the other two naturally follow. Or sometimes the three sort of meld together. The third step can be carried out in a variety of ways depending on the relationship and levels of sensitivity. For instance, I have found that a friendly greeting, black socks filled with toys, and a kid dressed in a football shirt can be encouraging. Others might need a more direct approach. The third step is a continual one that helps build a sense of trust.
Reconciliation isn't just a matter of stopping. It's an actual change of direction into all that is gracious and beautiful. This is the magic that happens when I rely on the Crux of the universe (which is to say the Christ).